


From Darkness to Light

by MacedonianMuse



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bad Boy Kaidan, Cerberus - Freeform, Drugs, Explicit Language, F/M, Female Shepard War Hero, Male Shepard Spectre, NSFW, Non Alliance Kaidan, Past Thane Krios/Shepard, Reapers, Seduction, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Still Has Mass Effect Elements, Tags May Change, no slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-13 05:17:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,916
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14742668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MacedonianMuse/pseuds/MacedonianMuse
Summary: When Kaidan Alenko killed Vyrnnus at BAaT, he took off and never looked back. Living on the streets, he ran with gangs and lived life by his own rules. Or he did until the night Adonia Shepard walked into his favorite club. One look and he was hooked.When Kaidan finds out Adonia was abducted by Cerberus he knows to get her back he'll have to face his past, but even that doesn't matter, because now that he found her, he'll set the world on fire before he'll allow her to be hurt.AU where Kaidan is a renegade Biotic bad boy who hates the world until the world pushed Shepard into his path.*Includes original art*





	1. Introduction

Kaidan leaned against the wall in the back of the club, The Devil's Den. This was his and Jack's favorite club and they often came here to celebrate or anything else they wanted. While they were far from being Mercenaries, they did take odd jobs here and there to pay the bills. Tonight Jack wouldn't be joining him, leaving him alone to find his own kicks for the night. She had taken on a simple job on her own and if she didn't ask for help, well he wouldn't offer. He had come here looking for some entertainment, never knowing that tonight his life would be taking yet again a drastic change.

Lighting a cigarette, he watched the crowd on the dance floor. He loved this club, it was dark, gritty and even violent on some nights. He could always find whatever his mood wanted that night, whether it was to cut loose and find a fight or find someone worth fucking in a dark corner somewhere, he always left satisfied. Tonight, however, he saw nothing of interest until a trio of women came in from the streets. The first was wearing a short dress and he could tell she didn't wear them often. She fidgetted with it almost nonstop, she obviously wasn't one for dressing up. The second was very shapely and wore a red dress the accented every curve, she had a body any man would enjoy for a night, but she held her head high like she was better than anyone else, far better than he. The third, however, really piqued his interest. Her dress was short and had several cutouts that showed she was muscular with just enough softness to look perfect. She wore her hair loose to her hips and the black tresses shimmered like satin. Hearing her laugh with the other's, he pushed off the wall and slowly made his way closer. She had elegant features, far more refined than most he saw, but when he got close enough to get a good look, she noticed him and with a slight blush staining her cheeks, he watched as she caught one plump lip between her teeth and turned back to her friends. Normally women like her he avoided, most were stuck up bitches, but her he wanted to know more about her, no he _needed_ to know more.

Throwing his cigarette down and snuffing it out with his boot, he watched her leave her friends to head to the dance floor. Perfect, he thought, as he made his way over to her. She was facing away from him and he was hard from just looking at her ass alone. She swayed as she moved to the music and he could feel his breathing hitch from watching her alone. This was going to be his target for the night he grinned to himself and walking up to her, he grasped her hips and hauled her back against his hard chest and whispered against her ear if she was looking for some fun for the night, before nuzzling her exposed shoulder. He smiled when he heard her gasp, and laughed when he heard her tell him, "As if you are man enough to offer me a few thrills."

He watched as she spun around and grinned when he saw purple eyes looking back at him, it was then he noticed the small black mole above her lip and had the sudden desire to kiss it. She was proud, he had no doubt, it practically dripped from her eyes and unlike most of the people who came here, he could tell she had a sophistication about her you never saw on this side of town. She was someone, someone _special_ , he knew without a doubt. He took a step back, unsure if he should pursue someone of her class, but she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in close while grinding her body against him in such a way to almost make him purr.

"So doll, what brings you here?"

"Is that really the best line you have? You looked like you could offer more," she smirked when he raised his eyebrows, only to give her a deep hearty laugh.

"You have no idea what I could offer you, but if you're lucky-," he let his words hanging between them, wanting to see if she could bite. Normally his looks alone allowed him to broker any score he wished to make, but he had to admit he liked the idea battling with words to win a night with her, after all, the bolder the woman, usually the better the ride.

She moved her lips next to his ears, letting a deep breath out to trace the shell, smiling when she caught the breath he exhaled quickly, "Luck has nothing to do with it, it's all skill babe," and with that she turned and walked back to her friends, leaving him laughing and wanting her even more.

"Who were you dancing with Shepard?" Miranda asked her friend as she sat back down at their small table, "He certainly looks, interesting."

"Why walk away from that?" Ash asked as she joined them, setting down the drinks she had just brought back, "he is certainly fine looking.

Adonia looked over her shoulder and saw him dancing, wearing only pants and boots she could see his entire back and arms were covered in tattoos, just like his chest had been. She smiled when he suddenly turned around and winked at her. _I wonder where else he has tattoos?_ She thought to herself and found herself biting her bottom lip as she watched his hips move to the dark rhythms swirling around the club. He was certainly hot, but what she really like was his confidence, the one thing she liked in a man, but unfortunately, they were here for business and it was too important, even if the view was nice.

"Because, we do have a job to do and let's face it Chief," she caught Ash's eyes, "eye candy is never more important than work."

"Ugh," Ash snorted, "Always work, I remember the day when we got into trouble and had fun, now it's work, work, work. I blame you for this Miranda."

"Me? Why is it my fault? Adonia does whatever she pleases, and it's not my fault she now pleases to be a stick in the mud."

"Jeez Miri, I remember when you were constantly after me about work, about how I needed to be more serious," she smiled when Miranda shook her head and snorted at her words.

"No, I told you that you needed to balance work better with fun instead of only chasing fun."

"Believe me, there is no such thing as balancing work with a guy like that," Ash pointed to Kaidan as he was currently grinding against some chick on the dance floor, "And I should know, seeing as it was your Brother who taught me that too."

"Hey now, no bringing up my Brother, I told you not to get tied up with his brand of crazy," Adonia loved her Brother Adean, but, becoming the first human Spectre had gone to his head and when he left to live on the Citadel, he hadn't even bother to tell his girlfriend, who also was Adonia's best friend, that he was leaving, "besides Ash, looks like Mr. Hotness has already replaced me."

"Nah, he is trying to yank your chain and make you jealous, guys like that are all the same," Miranda told her, "I know the type, comes into places like this looking for a score and if they don't get it instantly they try to act as if your easily replaced, hoping you will come back around. I worked in black ops, didn't I? Reading people is all part of the job."

They continued to talk and drink until they got a call on their private comm. Miranda and Ash were being called in for a special debriefing.

"Go, I'll hang out here for a bit longer to see if he shows, if not, I'll head home," she told her friends, "we can catch up in the morning."

"I dunno Adonia, I don't like leaving you alone, especially if Jimmy and his thugs show up," Ash knew Adonia could take care of herself, seeing as she held off an entire fleet of enemies bent on destroying Elysium and broke about every damn record an N7 could hold. However, she also knew it took only one bad call to go from undefeated to dead, "I get you're the hero girl, but it doesn't mean you're immortal either."

"Come on Ash, no time to suddenly go all mother hen on me and not to mention I would expect this from Miranda, not you," Adonia winked at Miranda and laughed.

"Fine!" Ash threw her hands up in mock surrender, "see you tomorrow and you best be up early, cause I'll be there 0700, girl."

Adonia laughed as the two women left and honestly, she wished they could have stayed. The last few years had been rough for her, training as an N7 and then the Blitz. The Alliance may consider her a hero, but the truth was the Blitz had left her shell-shocked and still dealing with PTSD. She missed how close Ash, Miranda and she once were, something that seemed a lifetime ago. This might have been a job, but it had felt like years ago when the three of them would head out on a Friday night to dance, drink and talk about men.

She looked over her shoulder and never noticed Kaidan was watching her closely and while it might look like his attention had been elsewhere, he was biding his time until he could get her alone to talk and hopefully a lot more. He wasn't exactly sure why, but something about her made him ache deep inside and while normally such things might shy him away, the moment he locked eyes with her he had to have her and when he set his mind to something, he did it. He waited until he held her gaze and flashing a grin, he walked to her.

Adonia hissed at the sight of him. His smirk and swagger reminded her of a finely tuned predator, yet, nothing about him scared her if anything he was igniting a fire inside with each step closer. He was far too sexy to ignore and she was beginning to think taking a bite out of him was not such a horrible idea. Normally, she would never even think of picking up a guy in a bar, but then she never saw a man as finely made as he was either.

"All alone now doll?" he leaned against the table, close enough for her to catch his unique scent that was spicy and alluring, "perhaps you could use some new company?"

"And why would I want that?" she leaned in when she noticed his eyes drifting down to her chest and wanted to tempt him more.

"Because any woman as fine as you should never lack for company, in fact, I think it should be a crime."

"Oh do you? Perhaps I like making my own laws to live by and don't care what is a crime or not?"

He grinned at her words and reaching up, he ran his knuckles against her cheek and trailed it down he neck and across the swell of her breasts and chuckled when he noticed her eyes fluttered at his touch, "So, why are you alone? No boyfriend?" he asked as he moved even closer to her.

She laughed and leaned in close enough she could ghost her lips over his ear, "Would it matter?"

"Never, I think you just might be worth a few bruises to win a night with."

She pulled back and grinned, before standing and walked back to the dance floor and started dancing once more, never letting on she was actually scanning the club for her target. It was then she felt him, pulling her back against his chest once more and grinding his hips into her.

"How long are we going to play before we get to something good doll?" he husked against her neck, before kissing and nipping it. Her taste was exquisite and he couldn't wait to taste all of her, "I can't wait to find out if the rest of you taste as divine as this," he purred in her ear.

She had a retort ready to say, but the words got tangled on her tongue when she felt his hand leave her hip and slide down toward the apex of her center and then she felt a slight burst of biotic energy aimed exactly at the place she needed him the most.

"Come on doll, whoever you have been scanning the crowds for ain't showing, so let me give you a good time instead."

She turned to face him and pulled him close enough to rub against him before biting his ear and tugging it. Letting go, she laughed, "What makes you think you're better than who I have been waiting for?"

"Doll, take me home, to a hotel or hell even outside in the alley and I will show you why," He laughed, then added, "although I don't think the alley will work, you deserve to be ravished all night long and even I can't do that in the alley."

Adonia bit her lip and thought for a moment. She didn't know him, hell she didn't even know his damn name and yet she wanted to see exactly what he would feel like and if he really could live up to his boasts. Before she could think better of it, she took his hand and lead him from the club, stopping at her skycar, she turned to him and asked the one thing she should have done even before agreeing to take him home with her.

"What's your name?"

"Kaidan, Kaidan Alenko, doll," he grinned and leaning in, he kissed that damn mole that was driving him nuts, "Let's go doll, I can't wait to devour you."

                                                       

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is still set within the Mass Effect Universe and while how they learn of the Reapers is different, the Reapers are still part of this world too. I hope I have created a realistic world that even with it being an AU, will still have enough of the game lore to feel right.


	2. Seduction

Kaidan hadn't felt nervous in years, he lived life one day at a time and really didn't give a shit about what others thought of him. He dressed as he wanted, acted as he wished and if it pissed someone off, he could care less. However, all that faded when he saw where she lived. He knew she was upper class, hell no woman looked as fine as her and had such polished manners and not be rich. He noticed how she arched her pinky as she drove, she brushed her hair back with the tips of her nails in a flawless flip, something you saw only in vids, everything screamed upper class, but when she took him to one of the richest flats in Vancouver, he found himself unsure. She told him her place was at the top of the tower, so she had private parking as well and for one moment he was thankful for that. With only pants and boots on, he would worry he might make her look bad if others saw her with him and for some reason, that he actually preferred not to investigate, he didn't want her to be judged because of him.

That was the first bell that sounded in his head and it should have made him bolt, but her soft eyes each time she looked at him and the feel of her fingers holding his hand when she took him to her door, he couldn't help but follow. When had anyone ever looked at him like that? Before BAaT? Hell, had anyone ever given him such a look in his life? That thought went through him and he shuddered, he hated when anything brought back memories of the life he had before being sent to BAaT, the life he could have had if he had never been sent there.

As soon as she closed the door she was on him and all thoughts prior left. Hell, how could he think of anything else when her lips were on his? And her hands caressing his body? As she parted her lips, he took the invite and when she started sucking on his tongue? Yeah, he was lost to what had been swirling in his mind only minutes before.

Picking her up, she pulled back and wrapped her legs around his waist.

"Bed, table, floor? What do you like, doll?"

"Adonia," she smiled as he lifted his eyebrows, "I prefer for you to call me that instead of doll all the time."

"Alright, Adonia, where do you wish to start?" he chuckled when she shrugged and told him anywhere as long as they got started.

He found her bedroom easy enough and once more he was reminded that she was wealthy and he shouldn't be here with her.

"You sure about this?" he asked as he surveyed the high-end furnishings. What the hell was up with him tonight or was it just because of her?

"Kaidan," she dropped her legs and pulled back a bit, "Yes, and you promised to rock my world, so-?"

He laughed at that, good God, he liked the verbal sparring. He watched as she pulled back and unhooked the back of her dress, letting it drop to the floor, now bare with only laced panties and her high fitting boots. Smiling, he toed off his boots and undid his belt letting his pants drop to the floor and grinned, showing that even with the gaps on his thighs, he wore nothing underneath. He was shocked, however, when she started laughing, as that was not the reaction he expected.

"I had wondered if you had tattoos everywhere, and now I know," she smiled at the wolfish grin he answered her with and she was going to say more, but he took that moment to pull her close and kiss her once more.

Pulling back, he slowly sunk to the floor, pulling down her panties with him, and then helped her out of her boots. He ran his hands up her legs and took in the sight she made. She was tall, curvy and confident and he wasn't sure he could ever meet a woman that would compare. She was awe inspiring and for a moment he could only look up at her and stare. He watched as she lightly dragged her fingers along his jaw and for one moment he closed his eyes and enjoyed the soft tender touch and turning his head, he laid the softest kiss on her palm.

Adonia was surprised at the tender gesture, but when he opened his eyes, the look was completely predatory and she shivered with expectation. She watched as he slowly leaned up on his knees and held her eyes as he nuzzled her short curls, before closing them briefly and smiling as he inhaled her scent. He slid his hands up her hips and over them before cupping her round pert ass, he pulled her tighter to him as he ran one long lick up her center. Bringing his hands to the front of her body, he slowly parted her lips as he laid one kiss that seemed chaste, had it not been for the area he bestowed it on.

Her folds were soaked in her desire and a small part of him was happy to know he was having such an effect on her, seeing as his own lust was rising out of control at that point, but he wanted to savor her, but only if he could get his body to agree. He licked her slowly from opening to clit, circling it, but never giving her enough to really enjoy it. He watched her as he made wide circles around her now swollen clit, thrashing her head and moaning the most delightful sounds. He would slowly break her down into a withering mess, he thought, and then pick her up only to shatter her again and again.

Rising to his feet, after a few playful tugs on her delightfully hard nipples, he was a bit shocked when she grabbed his face and pulled him into a searing hot kiss. Most women he had been with hated kissing him after oral sex, hated their own taste, but she obviously didn't mind. Her tongue slid over his lips as if she wanted to clean every last drop of her from him.

When they parted, both panting, he told her to lay down on the bed and began kissing his way back up her before stopping and looking to the side and giving her a devilish grin, he grabbed the pillow next to her. Quickly pulling off the case, he tore the material in two, before securing it around her eyes. Leaning back, he took in the sight she made, her beautiful body withering on the bed, waiting for him to satisfy her every need.

He crawled up her body and when he continues further up, his intent was known as he watched a beautiful smile form on her lips, before opening her mouth wide for him. He chuckled, but as soon as he slid his cock past her lips, the smile left quickly followed by a gasp. She wasted no time in sucking him in deep. Feeling her hands cup his ass, he moaned as she encouraged him to go fast and deep while she sucked in her cheeks, creating a delicious vacuum that if he didn't watch himself, could be his undoing.

He groaned when he pulled free as she quickly flicked her tongue over his sensitive slit, only to chuckle as she smiled and he could see an eyebrow arch above the blindfold.

"Wicked minx," Kaidan couldn't remember the last time he enjoyed being this intimate with someone. Most of his hookups were about both people reaching orgasm as fast as possible, and there was never any witty banter or any other type of interaction beyond that.

He watched as her legs fell apart, inviting him to take her and he wasted no time settling between them. Setting back on his knees, he pulled her up to him, arching her back and he slowly thrust himself between her lips, letting her dampness coat him. He moved one hand over her belly and between her large breasts to present his thumb to her lips, which she drew into her mouth and ran her wicked tongue around, before pulling it free. Taking it back, he quickly began circling her clit and just as he finally swiped the pad over her, he sheathed himself in one hard thrust. Causing her to arch even father off the bed and groan his name.

He set a brutal pace, thrusting himself harder and faster and his thumb took the same brutal pace until she was thrashing her head and tightening her legs around his hips.

"Cum for me Adonia, I want to watch you fall apart," his words husked in a deep baritone must have been enough to push her over the edge. He watched intently as she tore off the blindfold and locked eyes for as long as she could before throwing her head back and screamed his name. He pushes harder into her, fucking her through it only to watch as she shattered yet again for him. God's hairy ass she was magnificent to watch. Her chest was covered in a fine sweat as she panted and a beautiful flush crept over her skin. He could spend a lifetime watching her fall apart like this and never get sick of the sight.

Pulling her up and into his arms, he kissed her as he began thrusting up into her, determined to make her cum once more before he found his own release. Letting her back down gently on her back, he was surprised, when he felt her lock one leg around him and roll him over, leaving her perched on top of him.

She ran her hands over his chest and watched him hiss as she scratched her nails over his nipples, before leaning down and whispering it was her turn to watch in his ear before she nipped the shell, tugging the clamp he wore around it into her mouth.

He grabbed her hips as she rode him hard and fast, squeezing him with her tight, tight walls, milking him to his quickly approaching end. The look of satisfaction that she was bringing him closer made him smile and as such, he brought one hand down to where they were joined and let out a small controlled biotic burst. Smiling at the small "oh," that slipped past her lips and the way her head fell back, he continued to let off the small pulses, hoping he could bring her to completion once more along with him.

With how her walls were quivering around him, he knew he would finish soon, he was to damn aroused not too. So instead he chased it, and when she finally came once more, he grasped her hips with both hands and pushed hard up into her, fucking them both through the haze of a blissful orgasm. He watched as she collapsed against him and smiled when he heard her voice as she nuzzled his neck.

"Please tell me we can stay like this for a bit, I think if I had to move I'd die," she panted while nuzzling him.

"Nah, I agree, that was amazing," he told her as he peppered light kisses on her forehead until she looked up at him and kissed him again. The kiss was slow and sweet, almost loving, something he had never done before. He found himself reaching up to cup her face and enjoy the feel of her lips.

"I really enjoy kissing you," she murmured against his lips, "You have the most perfect lips."

"I aim to please," he paused for a moment, "although I could use a drink, what about you?"

"Help yourself, but I am far too relaxed to move, let alone walk."

He laughed and rolled her onto her side, before standing and walking down the small stairs that led to the main area of the house. Adonia smirked as he walked out with no care to even put on his pants, gifting her with his damn near perfect ass. His body was so beautiful on so many levels. He had just the right amount of muscle, but not so much that it was over the top like her fellow soldier James, whom she knew had a crush on her, but what she really loved was all the colorful tattoos that covered almost all of his body. Some were things she could recognize, like the wolf on his shoulder or the dragon on his arm and belly. Others were patterns that made strange shapes and oddly colored lines against his pale skin and she also noticed he had several numbers on him and wondered what they meant.

She laid back and closed her eyes, a bit of a rest before he returned and hopefully to prepare for another round or two, she couldn't believe how much she enjoyed their tryst and if anything, she wanted him even more than before. He was such a mix of emotions, one minute confident, arousing, the next kind and loving. Stifling a yawn and failing, she closed her eyes and settled into her bed.

Kaidan had walked back to her bedroom and saw she had fallen asleep. He should have called a taxi and went home, but for some reason, he didn't want to sneak out without telling her. While it was mutual sex and there was nothing more than that between them, he worried if he left she might regret bringing him here or feel poorly about herself for being with him and he didn't want that to happen. Letting her rest he explored her apartment. It was a penthouse flat and when he looked out the large windows in the living area he realized the lights he saw that he thought was maybe a patio was actually in a small pool. Penthouse, pool and the most expensive neighborhood in all of downtown Vancouver? Yeah, she was loaded or had extremely rich parents and once again he thought about how he didn't belong here.

Turning around he saw what looked to be a small office and decided to investigate. Looking around the room, he saw she held a couple of degrees, as they were framed and hung on the wall, but the end cabinet told him everything about her. She had numerous medals for various things and he saw the plaque for her graduating N7 training, good God, he thought, she was in the Alliance and then he saw something that completely shocked him. There under lights, he saw the Star of Terra award. Next to it was a framed letter thanking her for her service and as a personal note stating all of humanity stood proudly in honoring her for saving the colony of Elysium during the Skyllian Blitz. He looked at the name on the award again and his jaw went slack, Adonia Shepard, shit, she was Commander Shepard! Who hadn't heard about the woman who had single-handedly save Elysium from a whole fleet of Mercs hell-bent on killing or enslaving every person who fucking drew breath there!

Turning around he headed upstairs to her bedroom to grab his clothing and leave. He was trying to make sense of all this, why would she bring someone like him home from a bar?  Which made him think back to how she had been looking for someone while there. Who in the hell would standup her? Lost in his thoughts as he grabbed his pants he didn't hear the movement behind him until he felt a hand caress his back. Jumping he turned around and saw her on her hands and knees, having crawled down the bed to reach him.

"Sneaking out? I guess I was disappointing?"

He could hear the hurt in her voice. He knew the tone so well, the man he once was used the same tone, of thinking he was being shunned, of not being good enough and he was shocked to hear it from her. Why would she think she was disappointing?

"No, not at all, it's just-." he didn't know how to explain it. He watched as she climbed off the bed and walked to him. He loved that she stood only an inch or two under him, it made it easy to look into her eyes, eyes that now held pain because of him. He brought his hands up to her face and cupped it tenderly, kissing her lightly and then running his thumbs over her cheeks, "I roamed around a bit while you napped and saw your office. You're Commander Shepard, a war hero, an N7, you're special and I am, not worthy of you, I should have never come here. I knew you were someone important, one look told me that, and, and you shouldn't be," he stammered and looked away for a moment, "what if someone saw me with you, Shepard? Jesus, I could ruin you."

"Kaidan," she kissed him for several moments before pulling back, "I liked that you didn't know who I am, well that and you are sinfully delicious to look at," she smiled when he chuckled at that, "so please stay, besides I believe you still owe me a few more rounds before this night is over," she purred against his ear in such a seductive voice he could feel himself getting hard from it alone.

"You really want me to stay longer?"

"Kaidan," she waited till he locked eyes with her, "shut up and kiss me," and laughing he did just that.


	3. Damnation

_She was running through the streets with a small child in her arms, praying to make it to the bunker in time. She had been fighting for hours and the ache in her arms made the tiny child feel like a full adult. The Mother had been shot through the chest but by some small miracle, it had missed the little girl. Knowing the only way to save what colonist was left, was to get them into the colonies emergency bunkers and defend the gates until help could get to them, but as sound as the plan was, she was getting weaker and much more fighting would do her in._

_But somehow she had made it to the bunker and handed off the child to a younger man who came to help her. She told him to go, watch over those colonists that were still alive and before he could argue, she pushed him through the doorway and shut it down, knowing nothing short of a missile or the right code could open it back up. It was essentially a giant safe room. Turning back to the small hallways that lead to the bunkers entry, she picked up what guns and ammo left and heading back to the fight. She refused to allow them all to die, refused to let those fucking B atarians take anyone else as slaves._

She screamed out into her sleep and startled when someone gathered her in their arms. She panicked, expecting it to be a Merc or Slaver come to take her, sell her, rape her or even kill her.

"Adonia, shhh, I got ya," she heard Kaidan's sleepy voice as he tucked her head under his chin and rocked her slightly in his arms, "it's just a dream doll, nothing more, you're safe."

Safe. God when was the last time she truly felt safe? Between the dreams, the Alliance and everything else in her crazy life, when had it not felt like she was one step away from death?

"I'm sorry-," she started to pull away from him, embarrassed he saw how weak the legend really was. So many thought of her as some kind of unstoppable force, the woman who could do anything and yet that was so far from the truth.

"Hey no sorry's with me," he smiled and tucked her long hair back behind her ears, "I get nightmares too and have woke up more than a few times in a cold sweat wondering if it was real or not. We all have ghosts, just some are not as diabolic as others," he chuckled.

"I see myself in Elysium, the people dying around me as they rallied to me, thinking I was some kind of hero who would protect them and I failed, God did I fail. There were bodies everywhere and I couldn't help them all, they looked to me and I couldn't-," her voice quivered and shook as tears streamed down her cheeks.

"Hey, what you did," he cupped her face and made her look up at him, "was amazing. No one could have done more, hell I remember seeing in on the extranet, you were like some kind of superhero and had you not been there, there is not a soul of Elysium who knows they all would be dead if it wasn't for you," he leaned down and kissed her, before bringing her forehead to his lips, "the hero saving the day I always thought was bullshit you saw in old vids, but you did save them, hell I was impressed as fuck when I saw the story. You are so much more, Adonia."

She let him cradle her close to his chest once more and could feel the wild thump of his heart against her ear. They had spent most of the night talking, having sex and for the first time in a long time, she actually felt whole. After all the friends she had talked too over the years, it was some stranger from a bar that gave her a bit of peace, how crazy was that? About as crazy as her life, she thought and couldn't hold back the small chuckle that caused him to lean back and look at her.

"I was just thinking about how crazy my life is. You know I was asked to be our first Spectre too."

"No shit? Why aren't you then?"

"I thought it was a token throw, make humanity happy kind of thing, but even when I found out they were serious and wanted a human test run, I still said no. Commander Shepard had given enough for this world, let someone else do it," she laughed and continued, "so who do they pick? My Brother, Aedan, the infamous Butcher of Torfan, that's who," she paused, "Aedan is great, but he is a little too full of himself, although Captain Anderson has said he's changed a lot and for the better. Heck, even my last briefing with Admiral Hackett he told me Aedan was doing a great job and apparently being the first human Spectre hasn't gone completely to his head."

Kaidan shook his head and was slightly stunned. She rattled off the big guns in the Alliance like they were friends you met for lunch somewhere to gossip. The world she lived in was nothing like his and once more he wondered why in the hell did she pick up him? But before he could think more about it, he felt her cup his face and kiss him so tenderly, "Kaidan," she whispered against his lips.

She laid back and pulled him down with her and when their eyes locked, he felt his heart clench with the emotions. He felt her hands slowly tracing his cheeks and then his jaw, felt her body arch up into him and couldn't hold back any longer. He kissed her fiercely at first, but then it became softer, and as he slowly rolled between her legs, he gathered her into his arms, holding her tightly as he slowly sheathed himself within her and rocked his hips gently against her. It was slow and passionate, kind and loving and Kaidan couldn't help but wonder if this was what it felt like to make love to someone and not just fuck them. He knew those were dangerous thoughts, but how could he not feel such with her? She had shown him more kindness and respect than he probably had experienced in his whole life combined! So if this was the only way to show her how much this small slice of kindness in his violent world meant, then so be it.

                                                                              ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was past 7:30 when Ash showed up at Adonia's flat. From the lack of movement, Ash figured she was still sound asleep. Pulling out her card key, she let herself in without hitting the chime, like she had every time she came here since Adonia moved in. Walking into the kitchen, she could imagine a lot of things she might see in her friend's house, but never the sight that greeted her.

Kaidan was standing very much naked, with his back to Ash, while he fed something to Adonia, who was wearing an oversized t-shirt and sitting on the counter. They were laughing while sharing something and never heard anything until Ash let out a small gasp, followed by a what the hell.

Adonia jumped slightly and then blush, while Kaidan slightly turned and shrugged, then focused back on Adonia, clearly not caring that he was completely naked in front of her.

"Kaidan," Adonia's voice shook a bit and then finally taking in a breath asked him if he would go get dressed while she spoke to Ash. Both watched as he shrugged and turning around walked back to her room, never even caring that he strode past Ash, who was obviously taking in the whole sight of him.

"I know this looks, um, well it looks like it is, but-."

"Holy fucking hell girl," Ash grinned and laughed, "Damn why can't I pick up men that fine. Seriously, a body like that should be considered a crime," Ash couldn't help but add, "Thank God, it's me and not Miranda, boy, she would want to kick your ass for picking him up. Whereas me, I want details girl, details."

"Oh you have no idea girl, no idea," she slid off the bar and walked over to Ash, "I might agree to stakeouts more if they all end like this one."

Both women laughed just as Kaidan walked back to them. He told her he planned to call a cab and get going, but Adonia refused and called instead of the valet driver from her building to come up. She explained to Kaidan, that she trusts Charlie completely and he could take her car and drive him anywhere he needed. Kaidan had protested, but he found himself in a losing battle and finally agreed. Asking to speak to Kaidan alone, Ash went to sit in the front room, giving them privacy.

"I, um, want to thank you for last night and this morning too," she blushed, "I had a great time, I mean, well obviously you know that, but it was nice to not be Commander Shepard for a little while at least."

"Hey, I should be thanking you doll, it was a fun run," he smiled and when he saw her frown added, "Adonia."

"Kaidan, I-," she looked up into his warm honey amber eyes and felt her voice catch, and couldn't finish.

'Look, I, uh, don't do goodbyes, but I won't ever forget this either," he smiled and then slowly kissed her, "Goodbye Adonia and I hope life treats you well."

She watched as he turned and walked out the door to wait for Charlie. She sighed once more and closing her eyes for a moment, turned and walked back to Ash, telling herself to forget him and go about her life. She never saw that he still watched her or the fact his eyes held pain from leaving her either.

                                                                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You're not like the typical men the Commander has in her life."

Kaidan paused at that, maybe bringing him home wasn't such a thing as he thought, "She lets you drive all her hookups home huh?"

"What? No, I mean, no this is the first, it just I knew her Ex and he was really polite and cultured, and sorry."

"So one look and you assume I am a jackass and worthless, nice kid," Kaidan wasn't surprised and he wondered if that was why Adonia had brought him home with her. Rebounding after her Ex, looking for someone to get her over the hump so to speak?

Kaidan said nothing else and waited for them to get back to the club to drop in off. True, he offered to take him home, but he didn't want this kid to see where he actually lived.

"Thanks, kid," Kaidan told him as he hopped out of the car and without a backward look made his way down the alley.

When Kaidan finally pushed through the door, he was surprised to see Jack waiting for him.

"Where the fuck have you been?"

"Hey, hello to you too. How was the job? Sucked so bad you're waiting for me to come home so you can bust my ass?

"Kaidan, don't pull that lip with me," she stood up and walked over to him and sniffed, "That smells like fancy perfume, what the heck?"

"Fine, yes I met someone, yeah she had money, but who cares? She was looking for a piece of weird ass and I thought she was good for a night, nothing new there Jack, so ease up on the shit," he walked over their fridge and pulled out a beer.

"Wow, she must have been a treat to get you drinking this early," she laughed when he looked over his shoulder and shot her a dirty look, "Come on you dumb dork, I had a great score last night and a shitload of credits too, let's go have some fun."

Kaidan laughed and told her he needed a shower first and walking into his room he heard Jack tell him.

"No shit Romeo, you smell like some highborn bitch, you might get hit on by some dude," she laughed, never seeing the anger that passed over Kaidan's face when she innocently referred to Adonia as a highborn bitch.


	4. Distraction

Adonia found herself having a hard time paying attention during their briefing. It wasn't that she was bored, although God knew Captain Jackson was not the most interesting man to listen too, she just couldn't keep her mind off of the night she shared with Kaidan weeks ago. She had tried to go back, hoping to see him there once more, but never had the chance. Work, life, everything it seemed conspired against her and as the days went on, she began to lose hope she would ever see him once more. And it wasn't just the sex, although God knows it was amazing, it was all the time they spent talking, the shared humor and the tenderness he held her with after her nightmare that made her ache for him. 

She had finally told her Mother about the whole thing and instead of the scolding she expected her Mother had only urged her to find the time and go back and see him once more and find out if it was just the thrill of the unknown that kept her mind on him or if it was something else pulling her towards him. When her Mother had laughed at the shocked look on her face, she had told her daughter that she had already shown her that love could be found in the strangest places.

Thane, her heart still hurt over the Assassin who became her friend and then lover. She had been on an undercover assignment when she had spotted the sniper mark and stood in front of it. Later Thane told her that seeing her do such and the moment his eyes locked on hers through his scope, he had been entranced and determined to meet her.

They had been together for a few years, in fact, the flat she lived in now she had taken because she couldn't return to the home they once shared. She had been happier than she ever thought possible, that was until she had found his secret, Kepral's Syndrome. She had been furious when she found out he hid it, but later she was determined to enjoy each moment till the end, only Thane had decided to end it sooner. She could even now close her eyes and remember his closing words if full.

_"I love you. If all else whispers back into the tide, know this for fact. By grace given me by the Goddess Arashu, I bid her divine protection to you, my warrior-angel, my Siha, to succeed in your destiny. To light your path through the coming darkness. To give you hope, when all seems lost."_

She had come home to the letter left on the bed they shared and in it, he had told her he could not watch the pain that would be forced on her while watching him die, so instead, he left. His so-called gift of freedom was instead a guilt that somewhere out in this galaxy he was dying, and alone. Her anger had been all consuming. She had moved back home with her Mother and Stepfather and sold the place they shared. That had been a year ago and while Ash and Miranda had talked her into a couple of dates here and there and her Brother had fixed her up with a guy he hung out with, all of them had never interested her enough to even think of them, let alone go on a second date.

She had met plenty of men who wanted to "score" humanity's hero and while she was aware of the fact her looks were a part of the factor, none of them cared about her. Which made her laugh when she thought about Kaidan since her looks had lured him in, which he openly admitted to her, but there was something more in the way he spoke to her, the way he held her and that was not just about her looks or sex. She reasoned if it had just been about that, about just sex, then he would have left after they finished the 1st time and he wouldn't have been concerned about her image after learning who she was either. She also knew that part of it was that Kaidan told her upfront where they stood, he never pretended to be anything then who he was it was nice to meet someone who could just say exactly what he was thinking.

"You're deep in thought," Adonia turned her head to see Ash sitting down across from her, "Hmm, what could it be? Maybe a dark-haired bad boy?"

"Funny Ash, really funny."

"Well, has to be something good, considering the meeting ended and you're the only person still sitting here looking at their papers," she chuckled.

Adonia blushed and looked around confirming Ash's words. Shit.

"Tonight, Vega and I are going down to the Devil's Den and maybe you want to come too? Maybe see your hottie again, probably has been wondering why you haven't come back?"

"Ash, I am sure Mr. Hottness has forgotten all about me," she chuckled and grabbing her stuff, headed back to her office. She hated working ground side. She grew up on ships and while she had only served on one ship, space was where she wanted to be, but being transferred to Intelligence had its perks and allowed her the chance to be home and stand with her Mother when she got remarried. Both her parents had been in the Alliance and as such, she had missed a lot of time with her Mother, however, now she saw her often and enjoyed the chance for them to be closer. She also adored her Stepfather who had served with her Mother at one point too. He had a rough mission that had severe PTSD, something she could sympathize greatly with, but managed with help and her Mother's love to pull himself back together. While he had never returned to active duty and even now, working was difficult with never knowing what may trigger him into relapses, he loved her Mother with every breath he took and that was enough for both her Brother and her to adore the man.

"Fine, but you're coming anyway. Maybe then I won't have to listen to James talk nonstop about 'his' Lola," Ash snickered as she and Adonia made their way back to her office. James had nicknamed her Lola and made it quite known he had a terrible crush on Adonia.

                                                                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kaidan had gone to the club every night since meeting Adonia in hopes of seeing her again. Hell, he had even gone to downtown Vancouver near the Alliance's main headquarters too, but she hadn't shown. He knew it was crazy, of course, he was just that, crazy, but still he had a small hope she would come looking for him once more. When Jack had caught on, she had yelled at him and then lectured him about such stupid thoughts. They were the throwaways, had been since small children, as they were given over to a life and torture and abuse. BAaT had been a nightmare factory, kids had died constantly and the experiments. Those were the worse. Kids fitted with implants while awake and no pain meds so they could gage the pain levels. Given drugs and made to fight to see which ones enhanced biotics better, crimes against them and no one fucking gave a damn until the day he killed the Turian, Vyrnnus. He was a mean bastard and all the older kids thought he was just a puppet being controlled by someone else, had lost his temper with Jack and threw her into a stone wall, shattering her arm and grabbing her from the floor, he called for guards and said she would be 'repurposed' into something better, something more 'useful'. Kaidan had gone after him and killed him and every guard on their way as he and Jack escaped.

They had carved out their lives in violence and destruction ever since and neither of them had looked back, well until the night he went home with Adonia, he had. Now he couldn't help but think about her, about if life had been different, maybe he could have been someone special to her, but what did it matter? He couldn't change who he was and that was all there was to it, or so he wished. Truth was, every single fucking night since being with her he thought only of her. Where once he enjoyed a random hookup, he found himself instead spilling himself alone to thoughts of her, how she felt, how she tasted and how she had sounded when he had pulled one orgasm after another from her beautiful body. And it wasn't just the sex (although that had been fucking amazing!) the way they talked and laughed. He wasn't sure he had ever laughed so much in his life as he had with her.

He was also angry at himself, angry he had even pursued her in the club. He could tell she was a higher class woman and women like that had no business with men like him, but he allowed his stupidity to get the best of him and now look at him? He was a mess over a woman he would never see again, a woman who probably never thought of him again after he left. Groaning and angry, he pulled on a shirt and jacket and walked out of his room, grabbing Jack on the way.

"I need to get fucking drunk and hurt someone," he told her and laughed when she said, "Hell yes!"

Adonia had been in the club for hours and keeping an eagle eye, she watched the door after searching the club and not finding Kaidan. James, of course, had been flirting horribly with her and while she appreciated the interest, she had told him she would only ever think of him as a friend. She had to give him credit though, he still hoped and as such, continued to try, but tonight she had wanted only one thing and when it was apparent that wasn't happening, she became rather irritated.

Finally, having enough, she told Ash she was going home and meant it. Standing up, she argued with them both for a few minutes.

Kaidan had been in a foul mood and was going to leave when he saw her. There she stood, by one of the friends he had first seen her with and some dude, but he didn't care about them, only her. Her hair was loose once more and again shimmered in the light. She was wearing a turquoise short dress with thin straps and it showed off her body perfectly. Leaving Jack, he walked quickly to her and when he stopped behind her, he whispered her name, "Adonia."

She turned, found herself face to face with those honey colored eyes that had haunted her dreams since the first time she saw them.

"Kaidan, I-," she tried to say more, but couldn't as strong arms pulled her close to him and he dipped his head to drink fully from her lips.

"Adonia," he whispered, as he pulled back slowly, "is it really you or am I dreaming once more?" He slid his hands up her face and rubbed his thumbs over her cheekbones, "please tell me you're real." She smiled and Kaidan felt his gut twist with longing, good God, what was it about her he couldn't resist?

"I could say the same about you," and she leaned in for yet another kiss, "I didn't know if I would ever see you again."

"Who the fuck is this, Lola?" James had finally recovered from the shock of seeing some stranger come up and kiss Shepard to speak.

"That, L-T," Ash chuckled, "would be why she agreed to come here in the first place and why I drug us here instead of one of the clubs downtown," she waited till they stopped kissing and added rather impishly, "nice to see you again Kaidan, well maybe not quite seeing as much as you," and gave him a wink.

Kaidan didn't respond, nor lessen his grasp on Adonia, he was holding her tightly as if he were afraid to release her and she might disappear. Leaning in close to her neck, he allowed his breath to tickle her neck and then up to her ear, before whispering, "I want to consume you, Shepard, I will do _anything_ you want of me."

Adonia shivered with his words, he was holding her so tight to him that she could feel his erection pushing against her, causing the fire deep within her to ignite as she rubbed her painfully hard nipples against his chest.

"Do you live close by?" she found herself asking him and not caring if she sounded like some crazed cat in heat.

Kaidan pulled back at that. Take her home with him? Her bedroom alone was bigger than his and Jack's apartment, "Shepard, I uh, my place isn't good enough for you, hell I sleep on a tiny cot in a room as big as your bathroom," he looked away from her ashamed for the first time over where he lived.

"Kaidan," she turned his face back to her, "I don't care where you live, I like you, but you can come back to my flat if you like, I just want to be near you, talk to you, hell even screw you," she laughed as he smiled.

"Lead away, I would follow you anywhere."

Adonia tried not to moan just from listening to him alone. The man had the sexiest voice ever and when he sighed, damn it made her weak, "Come on, I want you all to myself."

Ash laughed as Adonia practically drug Kaidan from the club as fast as she could and then turned to talk to James. While she didn't know if there would be anything more between those two, Ash knew one thing for sure, right now, Kaidan was all Adonia wanted and the sooner James understood that the sooner she could work on him herself and with that Ash laughed, maybe both of them would get lucky tonight.


	5. Starvation

Leaving the club and making it to her skycar is hard work as they paw at each other kissing and feeling any part they can and just when they get and one step closer to the goal they both desire, Jack walks out of the shadows.

"Kaidan," Jack calls out and he huffs in annoyance knowing exactly where this is going, "you can be seriously thinking of leaving with her?"

"Jack, not now," he growls and Adonia shivers at the sound. She has never heard Kaidan angry before and with the venom of his irritation dripping from his lips, she hopes that it is never directed at her.

"Yes, now," she walks closer and sneers as she gives Adonia the once over, "she is the kind of person we fight against, the kind of person who locked us away and tortured us."

Before Kaidan can respond, Adonia finds her voice and her own anger, "I don't know who the hell you are, but I will tell you this, you do not want to fuck with me, little girl."

Kaidan is surprised, few dare to stand up to Jack, especially when she is angry and has the blue mist of her biotics flaring up, of course, Adonia isn't turned off or scared of how she looks, she did, after all, invite Kaidan into her home and he shared her unique style. However, it is when Jack gets closer and raises a hand that has Kaidan shocked to all hell.

He watches as she disappears and then suddenly Jack is lifted up off the ground and he sees an outline of her, which slowly becomes solid once more in the form he knows so well and when a small burst of energy releases from her, Jack whimpers in pain and Kaidan feels weaken and staggers against her car.

"What the fuck are you?" Jack's voice is strained and Adonia blinks and realizes what she is doing and drops her back on her feet, "I can't," she is struggling, but it's like her biotics have been drained from her and everything is gone.

"I'm unique, but let's just say, if you want to fight me, _little girl_ , you best be able to do it without any help from all that eezo bumping around inside of you. Now leave, before you really piss me off."

Jack gives Kaidan one more angry huff, before turning to stumble away and he watches as Adonia now turns to him and her anger fades fast as she rushes to him and tenderly strokes his face.

"I didn't hurt you, did I? I'm so sorry Kaidan, I am still learning to focus this and, please, did I hurt you?" he still looks at her shocked and licks his lips, not sure what to say, "If you wish to leave, I, well I understand," he watches as a tear theatens to slip down her face and she turns aways from him and he knows that look so well, because shame is something he sees every fucking time in looks in a mirror.

"Adonia, wait," his hands tremble as he reaches for her, still weak from whatever she did, but it doesn't change the way he feels for her, or maybe it is more it doesn't change about the way he _shouldn't_ feel for her, "don't go," he pulls her back to him and with all the strength he can find, he kisses her, bcause at this point words don't matter or maybe it's just he doesn't know any words that might make it better.

She turns to look at him and those sad, yet still passionate, honey-colored eyes of his makes her heart clench and before she can do anything, say anything, he is kissing her once more. She knows if she takes him home with her he is going to want to know what she really is, but something deep inside her wants him to know, wants to share it with him and see if he will still want the monster that is deep inside her.

Somehow, she opens the car and now that his strength is coming back, he is ravenous in his need for her. He tears his mouth from her lips and he tells her to put the car on autopilot and when she does? Oh, God, his mouth is on her neck and his hands are everywhere, _everywhere_ , and it feels so right, so fucking right. He wastes no time in slipping one strap down to give him access to her wonderful tits, but it was when he slides his hand up her hip that he pulls back panting, looking at her like he is ready to break. "You have no fucking underwear on," it wasn't a question, it was a statement and before she can answer, his fingers are sliding between her so very wet folds and he already has two fingers up her finding her sweet spot, while his thumb is rubbing her clit just right and he is expecting an answer, but how can she?

She tries speaking and croaks out his name, but when his eyes find hers, she gasps at how quickly the honey from only a few minutes ago is now consumed with full-blown lust and knowing it is all focused on her? Dear, God! "I, I wasn't sure, oh dear God, I didn't know," she is arching against him, her orgasm almost there.

"Tell me," he growls, "tell me or I will stop."

She gulps and tries to steady herself, "I didn't know if I could," she gasps as his movements against her clit has her almost there, "convince, uh, shit, convince you to come home with me, damn it!"

He threw back his head and laughed, "So you planned to tempt me? Adonia Shepard, you are a minx and God love ya for it," he kissed her again, pushing her over the peak, enjoying greatly how she looks as she rides wave after wave of satisfaction, and when she is done? He loves, even more, the smile that curves her lips before her purple eyes were open, "you will never have to worry about that doll, I will always want you."

When they finally make it to her home, Kaidan looks for her dress, since he removed it and threw it somewhere in the back, but she doesn't seem to care and struts to the door as is. He feels his mouth water looking at her, she is wearing nothing but her stiletto heels and way her hips swing? Christ, he has never seen anyone look so tempting in his life!

He rushes after her and when she finally gets them through the door, he kicks it shut with his heel and picking her up carries her to the bedroom.

It is sometime in the early morning hours, after a marathon of sex, that Kaidan finally asks her about what she did to Jack, and himself for that matter.

"Where, to start?" even she isn't sure where to begin to explain what she really is, but decided to start where most of it began, Elysium, "You know about the Blitz, I mean you told me such, but what you don't know was that I had many injuries, so bad I had to have one arm and both legs amputated. I also had a severe infection from some of the ammo used and a bullet lodged in my brain. So the Alliance kept it under wraps that I was only recovering from wounds and that I had to go through "debriefing" about the attack, civilians dying and so forth, which everyone accepted. What I was really doing was being rebuilt. Cybernetic implanting and such is not as scary as it once was and artificial limbs are nothing new, but they ran into problems with my already existing implants and the nanotech used to safely remove the bullet in my brain. I was a trained Infiltrator and had an experimental upgrade to enhance my reflexes that is similar in theory to implants given to biotics, like you," she smiled and Kaidan felt his heart beating even faster when she leaned over and gave him the most loving kiss he ever had, followed by a sweet swipe of her fingers along his jaw, "But it was damaged and when the nanotech actually fused to it, well what I am now was born. My cloaking ability is no longer controlled by the tech contained in my armor, my reflexes are on a level with the most advanced VI targeting system and they thought that was it, but the problem is, the nanonites are always evolving. Six months after I was released to return to duty, I was on a mission to rescue a group of scientist who was being used as human shields by Biotic extremist who overtook the facility. When they attacked me, the nanites adjusted and created this flare I now have that negates the eezo bumping around in their cells. There is far more to it than that, but that is the jest of it."

"So why feel so much shame and horror over it? People have been getting all types of upgrades for some time. Hell, I'm an L2, I know all about being a freak and that was before the shaved head and tattoos," he chuckled.

"Because I am evolving into something no longer completely human. The nanites are fused into my brain, there is no way to know where I begin or they end, I-I am a monster" she looked away from him and told him if he wished to leave she would once more ask the valet to drive him home.

Kaidan felt something stir deep inside him and part of him was truly scared of what it meant, but the other part chased it and he reached for her and pulled her back into his arms, "Adonia, you are you, doesn't matter if there are some upgrades or not, you are you and an amazing woman at that. The shit you've done, it doesn't matter that you have this, this, stuff going on inside you or not, it is still you. Good God woman, you have a room full of medals and commendations and shit, that only you have," he pulled back and placed one tattooed hand over her heart, "This is not part of some bug in your head, it's all you, heart and soul," Kaidan blushed at his words, where the hell had that come from, he asked himself.

"Well, well, anyone else knows what a big romantic heart is lurking under all that ink?" she smiled and crawled into his lap, placing one knee on each side of his hips.

"Me, Romantic? Doll, you're crazy," Kaidan shook his head, "Calling me romantic makes as much sense as calling a Turin soft and cuddly."

She lifted her hands and cupped his handsome face and smiled before kissing him slowly, tasting his lips and enjoying the silky smoothness as they kissed. When she felt his arms pull her tight against him, she whimpered as he deepened the kiss. She could feel his hands slide down her body and making there way to her hips. What happened next was a blur to her, one minute it had been sweet and loving, the next he was inside her, his hands gripping her hips tightly as he lowered her up and down and all she could do was cling to him and enjoy the ferocity he took her with.

Kaidan knew he was crossing into dangerous territory with her, but he couldn't stop himself, couldn't stop the need he felt to make her understand how amazing she was and how much he was in awe of her. A crazy part of him also needed her and that was something he definitely did not want to think about, but he couldn't help himself.

His life was a trainwreck. He had wonderful parents, but when his biotics manifested, they took him to the Alliance and they sent him to BAaT. Like most of the kids there, the really strong ones, the so-called gifted ones, were kept separate and later Jack and he learned their deaths were also faked. His parents thought he was dead and by the time he escaped, his parents had mourned the son they loved and he would never be that man again anyway. Since then? Hell, all he knew was pain and suffering, sure there were good spots, but most of them were surrounded by craziness with Jack and honestly, killing shit or stealing shit and then celebrating it, summed them all up.

That was before, now since meeting her, suddenly everything was a mess, but here alone with her? Shit, for once he felt peace and that scared him more than anything. He had survived for so long on anger, he wasn't even sure he knew any other way to live, but right now, shit, did he ever want too.

"Kaidan," his attention pulled back to the amazing woman in his arms as she whimpered his name. Rolling her over onto her back, he brushed her black locks from her face and cupped her jaw as he kissed her. He could feel her hands running up and down his back as she arched so beautifully under him. Yeah, he knew he was in serious trouble alright, but when she whispered in his ear how wonderful he was and whimpered his name, he was lost and right then, well he really didn't fucking care either.


	6. Denigration

Adonia was sound asleep when she heard shouting, and grabbing a shirt on the floor, she pulled it on and ran out of her bedroom. There were several ideas on what to expect, and robbery was at the top of the list, but never did she expect the scene as she rounds the corner into her kitchen. There was a half dress Kaidan, holding her screaming Brother Aedan on the ground.

"What the fuck is going on?" she stopped in front of them, hands on her hips.

"This guy was breaking in and tried to BS me that he is some bigshot and shit, is he your boyfriend or something?" Kaidan practically growled the word boyfriend and the hint of possessiveness in his voice sent a small thrill through her body.

"No, he is my Brother Aedan, so you can lower the biotics Kaidan," she watched as he got up allowing Aedan to follow up afterward and get in his face.

"I don't care if you're her favorite housekeeper, boy, I am the first human Spectre and your life is fucking over!"

"Housekeeper?" Kaidan laughed, "What you think I clean, take care of the pool?"

"Kaidan, why don't you let me talk to my Brother, alone please," she smiled as he walked by and stopping he leaned close and told her, "I'd finished dressing doll, but you're wearing my shirt," he chuckled as she blushed and made his way upstairs, laughing as he went.

"What the fuck Nia? Please don't tell me you're dating him, Jesus, what if someone important sees him with you? You may not care about your own career, but I'm a Spectre, the Galaxy is watching me," he paced around a bit, "wait, tell me you just got drunk and picked this freak up? Please, let it be just one dumb moment of yours, just whoring around still trying to forget Thane, like that."

Adonia knew she was probably giving the classical 'deer in the headlights' look, but she truly couldn't believe her Brother. She got that Kaidan didn't look like the typical guy she might date, but it wasn't like he had blue dots all over his arms from shooting eezo blu either, the latest drug making its rounds.

However, before she could respond, Kaidan came running back in and he fired a weak slam on Aedan, "I don't give a fuck if you are a Spectre, you fucking insult her again like that and your ass won't be around long enough to have your image ruined."

Aedan got up off the ground and pulled his pistol, "Do you fucking have a brain? I can kill you and no one will question it, you fucking loser, get out of her house now if you don't want to be dead, little boy," he sneered.

"Wait a goddamn minute," Adonia was beyond breaking, how dare her Brother to speak to her like that, how dare Kaidan slam Aedan, and what the fuck is Aedan thinking pulling his fucking pistol in her home? Was this really the craziness she called life?

"Listen, time the fuck out, seriously, both of you," she walked between them and first turned to Kaidan, "I appreciate the protection Kaidan, but you know better than anyone I can take care of myself, not that watching your ass go medieval isn't hot," she smiled hoping it would calm him down and finally he laughed, he walked to her "You are really something doll and fine, I will go wait for you in bed like a good boy," and she smiled, even more, when he stopped next to her and dropping his voice low, told her, "or is that bad boy, somehow I think you preferred it."

Turning back to Aedan she told him to put his gun down, and while he did, he began yelling again, which she quickly cut him off, "Shut the fuck up, Aedan, and listen well. You will not be doing anything where Kaidan is concerned, he was only protecting me. You try anything against him and I will tell Mom and Ernesto and you know damn well they will rip you royally and if you complain to the Council, well we both know that Anderson is like a second Father to me and he will listen if I tell him you are only seeking petty revenge because he got the better of you. Remember I was their first choice for a Spectre."

"Fuck, fine, your boy toy for the night is safe, oh shit, he is only a one nighter right?"

"Maybe an all-night stand," she grinned at him, "but no, we have known each other for a few weeks now."

"Good God, does Mom know you're dating someone who looks like a convict?"

"Mom _encouraged_ me," that wasn't quite the truth, but enough to stun Aedan and shut him up for a moment, "why are you here Aedan?"

"I am here to let you know I was in Vancouver and also to tell you Mom wanted you to come to dinner and, _oh shit_ , she said to bring a friend, she means him, right? Fuck, you can not bring him, Sis, I am bringing an Asari Ambassador I am seeing. I can't let you bring something like that as your date."

"Aedan, God knows why I love you, but can you actually shut up for five minutes about yourself," Adonia rubbed her brow, trying to stem off the headache Aedan was quickly causing. She should be enjoying a wonderful morning with Kaidan, instead, she was dealing with more BS with her Brother, "in fact, you delivered your message so why don't you leave, this is not how I wish to spend my morning."

"Fine, I'll go, but you will not bring him, you get me?" and turning around, Aedan left, mumbling about his Sister and her _friend_ the whole way.

Turning around she headed back to her bedroom, finding Kaidan stretched out on her bed watching TV.

"Well, that was an interesting morning," she smiled and crawled over him, enjoying the smirk and raised eyebrow he was giving her until she could kiss him. She planned to say more, but when she pulled back, he growled low and quickly flipped them, until she was pinned beneath him.

"I thought he was your _boyfriend_ Adonia," he growled in her ear, before bitting the shell and tugging on it, "I saw him and imaged him holding you like this and hated it, hated the idea of anyone other than me being with you," he turned her head to the side and bit softly into the side of her neck, soothing it quickly with a long lick of his tongue, "I love seeing you in my shirt, marking you as mine," he worked his way lower, biting one already stiff nipple through his shirt she still wore.

"Kaidan," she hissed as he bit and pulled, going back and forth between both until they were stone hard and she was arching up into him, begging him to take her.

Kaidan leaned up and found, even before he could go for the buttons on his pants, Adonia's dainty hands were already opening them and pushing them over his trim hips. It was, however, when she wrapped her hand around his hard length that he lapsed for a moment in his dominance. She had one hand tugging hard on his shaft, while the other massaged his sack just right and he realized if he didn't get her to stop, this would be over far too soon. Swatting her hands away, he slipped his finger down through her folds and was shocked at how wet she was, "Jesus you're a hot piece, you're practically dripping down your thighs, you actually got excited watching me, didn't you?" they both moaned when he slid two fingers deep inside her and at the wet noises of him pumping her with his digits. He saw her smile, knowing his words were true.

"Everything about you makes me wet with wanting you, Kaidan," she told him as she brought her arms up and wrapped them around his neck," and I wish I could stay like this forever with you," he noticed she blushed and once more he told himself he was in serious trouble with her and once more he ignored it.

"Doll, if I could-, ah fuck," he shivered as he felt her muscles tremble around his fingers, pulling them deeper into her, " I would keep you like this, fuck you until you would never be satisfied with any other man and needed only me," pulling his finger out of her, he brought them to his mouth and sucked on them until he closed his eyes and moaned, "Damn do I ever love the taste of you."

When finally opened his eyes, he took one of leg up over his hip and slid into her with one hard thrust. He knew this was going to be quick, she was was to close and he knew the moment he felt her tighten around him he would be pulled over the edge. No matter how many times they fucked, he always wanted more, he might not say so to her, but the reality was, he agreed with her and wished he could stay like this forever too.

After they were done, he finished pulling off his pants and then pulled her tight to him and smiled when he heard her sigh contently as she placed her head on his chest.

"You know," she raised her head to look at him, "I may just have to kidnap you and keep to tied to my bed."

"I can think of worse fates," he watched as she laughs and leaned forward to kiss his chin, "Sex slave for a Goddess and hero too, yeah definitely can think of worse fates."

"So, want to accompany me to my Mom's for dinner and piss off Aedan even more?"

"Whoa, seriously? I mean meeting them is kind of beyond the I picked him up in a bar kind of deal."

"True, and I wouldn't push it, but it's there if you want too," she smiled and kissed him again, "pissing off Aedan is just an added bonus."

"So, uh, how would your Mom feel about some guy you found in a bar coming?" was he seriously considering this? That is the kind of stuff you asked of a boyfriend, not a booty call, "Not like I am anything more than some random dude to screw," he chuckles, but instantly regrets his words, the look that passes her eyes, he sees and realizes too late he was basically justifying what her Brother had said.

"No worries, Kaidan, I just thought you might get a kick out of yanking his chain, nothing more," she frowns and looks away, "speaking of, you probably have things to do today and I should get a shower before running some errands before dinner."

Kaidan grabs her hand as she stands and knows if he doesn't do something quick, she may actually believe the filth that idiot she is related too said and that, well that is something he can't stomach the thought of happening.

"Adonia," he pulls her back down in his lap and leans his forehead against hers, "I didn't mean it like that, I just, I would never want to embarrass you, ever. You are so much more than me." He feels her hands cup his cheeks and looks up as she raises his face to hers, so he can look into those damn purple eyes that have shaken his soul since he first looked into them. She kissed him so tenderly, so sweet, that he is hard press not to spill a tear. Every aspect of her has shaken him to his soul and he doesn't understand how someone he has only been around a few days worth can have such a profound effect on him, but somehow she has done just that.

He watches as she gets up and heads to her bathroom, stopping in the doorway, and turning to him, she reaches out her hand and asks if he wishes to join her. He slowly rises and follows her, eyes fixed on her with enough predatory gaze that makes her shiver in response. When he reaches her, she quickly steps aside and pulls off his shirt before laughing and jumping out of his reach and into her shower.

"I am so fucked," he reminds himself and instead of doing the smart thing and leave, he follows her into the shower and watches as the water slides over every curve of her body, "So fucked."


	7. Devastation

Kaidan found himself at 2 pm waiting outside the Alliances main headquarters in Vancouver watching for Adonia. He had told her he had things he had to do that morning and would meet her here. His list of things to do actually came down to two. Find Jack and get that shit she once used for an undercover mission that grew out her hair fast and to go and buy himself something that looked halfway decent to wear.

When Jack frowned and told him her displeasure over the hair stuff, he lied and told her he picked up a follow and heist job and it was downtown Vancouver. The target was well to do and there was no way he could follow like this. He hated lying to her, really and normally would never do so, but he also wanted to get done fast and get back to Adonia. He would make his peace with Jack later.

He laughed when he finally saw her looking around and casually got behind her and put his hands on her hips, making her jump. The best was when she turned around and saw first his hair, and then his clothing. Running her fingers through the long locks, she smiled.

"Kaidan, while I appreciate the gesture, I like you as you are, and what is up with the outfit?"

"Yeah, well, the turtleneck hides the neck and arm tats, and damn thankful it is cool today for that, and the jeans are clean with no holes," he chuckled, "the leather jacket I have had for eons and never worn before and who knew I had any decent boots until I looked under my bed," he shrugged and tried to make it sound like he didn't just go and spend 500 credits, like he actually had, on clothing so she wouldn't be embarrassed by what he was wearing, "Enjoy it doll, not many get this version of me, in fact, I don't know anyone who has," he winked and pulled her to him to give her a long passionate kiss before pulling away, "but you, you are worth it and more."

"Kaidan, I appreciate it, truly, but it wasn't needed. I like you for you," she wrapped her arms around his waist and kept him tight against her, tight enough that he could feel the full length of her against him, "I think you're perfect exactly as you are."

He felt his chest pull tight at her words, had anyone ever said he was perfect? Hell, he sure in the shit didn't think he was, but he couldn't help the smile and warmth he felt at her words, good God, some part of him felt like a damn kid who found out his crush like him and was shouting it to anyone around. Yeah, he had been telling himself he was so screwed where she was concerned, but until now, he had no friggin idea how bad it really was. No question about it anymore, he was truly and completely fucked and the worse part? Shit, the worse part was, he had no problem whatsoever with it either. Shit.

"I need to go change, want to go with me, or do you have more to do?"

"Lead on, lovey, I am here to follow," watching her grin at his words, Kaidan smiled and took her outstretched hand.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There were a lot of scenarios going through Kaidan's mind when they arrived at her parents home on the outskirt's of Vancouver, but a welcome hug from her Mother was never one of them, followed quickly by a warm handshake and a grasp to the shoulder by her Stepfather. For one moment Kaidan really felt welcomed and happy, and then he saw Aedan.

Kaidan was used to being judged on his looks and God knows he truly did enjoy pissing people off too. He and Jack lived life on their terms and if it pissed off those around them, it had always been an added bonus. However, now he wanted it to be anything but that. This was for her and it pissed him off way too much that her Brother couldn't suck it up and act his age and not ruin this, but that, it seemed, was asking too much of the man.

Looking back, he couldn't remember what he said that pushed Aedan over the edge, but the fight he could recall perfectly. Also, he would remember the moment that Asari, Jesus was she ever a stuck on herself bitch, attacked him with Biotics. Kaidan knew his Biotics were way beyond your average human, hell at 16 he had killed Vyrnnus with a Biotic kick and he was way stronger now, and honestly, he hadn't meant to throw the woman across the room, but when she slapped Adonia, well he had snapped. Between the punch that knocked out half of Aedan's teeth and the woman crying saying she would be calling the Asari Counselor and have him arrested, everything went to hell fast.

He turned to Adonia and saw the look on her face and felt his heart die, "I'm sorry, I am not this person and never will be," he turned to her Mother next and apologized again and took off. He was halfway down the street before Adonia caught up to him and he steeled his heart at the pain he saw in her eyes.

"Look doll, your world, and mine, it isn't happening," he shrugged like it wasn't breaking his heart to act like this, but at the end who cares if it hurt him as long as it made her stay away from him. She would get over it and forget him quick enough, "I wasted a shitload of credits for this look to pretend to be someone I'm not, and hell I won't even get laid tonight for it either," God, he was being a prick and wasn't shocked when she slapped him across his face.

"Why are you saying this?" he watched the tears running down her face and it was so fucking hard not cave, "Why are you acting like this? Kaidan, I thought, I thought you were different, someone special."

"Well, doll-."

"Stop it! Stop calling me that, say my damn name, you can at least give me some respect in this," she turned away from him and he swallowed back his heartache.

 "Fine, _Adonia_ , you have your world and I have mine and like Jack always says, there is no in between. So go back to yours and don't come looking for me again," he turned and walked away and finally understood when people say their heart was breaking so hard it made it hard to breathe. He heard her call his name again, heard her beg him to stop and for the first time since he met her he did her a favor and walked away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adonia sat crying in her Mother's arms.  By the time she got back to the house, Aedan and his Asari girlfriend were gone and she learned her Mother had put the woman in her place, by calling Councilor Anderson and in front of her let him know what happened and how the woman had struck first, which indeed was the truth, as she had slapped Adonia and then fired a Biotic blast at Kaidan. The woman might think she was important, but the reality was, she was nothing compared to the pull they had with the now Human led Council.

"Shh, it will be alright dear," her Mother held her and ran her hand along her hair, trying to comfort her daughter, "give him some time to calm down and then talk to him. Kaidan was attacked today, in more ways than one, and he is probably hurting too, so let him calm down and then go see him."

"He won't, I know it," she cried even harder as she spoke the truth, she would never see him again, "Aedan may think it was just a sex fling, but there was just something, something special I felt when near him. I don't know how to explain it."

"I do understand, sometimes someone crosses your path and you just know he mirrors your own heart," she smiled over her daughter's head to see her husband in the doorway, "It's like God made him for you and no one else would ever compare."

They stayed as they were for sometime before Adonia finally told her Mother she needed to head home. She had a major meeting in the morning and she needed to try and get some sleep. Saying her goodbyes, she finally got home and proceeded to get ready for bed. When she finally laid down, she could still smell his scent on her sheets and pillows and began crying again. She didn't understand why she felt so much for him. Yet, Thane had told her that one look at her through his rifle's scope and he had fallen in love instantly. She always doubted his words, but now, she wasn't so sure. Something about Kaidan made her heart feel happy and alive again and finally admitting it to herself, she knew a part of her had already developed feelings for him, as crazy as that was. It might not be love, but it was something and something strong.

Rolling over she, saw she still had a bottle of water next to her bed and took a long drink of it. Something tasted a bit odd but she still drank it. It had probably been sitting there for awhile, she thought, but she was too tired to go to the kitchen for a new one. Finally draining the bottle, she rolled over exhausted from the emotional overload and went to sleep. In hindsight, she should have recognized the unique taste and the fact that her back door had been opened. But more than that, she should have heard the noise of someone walking across the room, but given the fast-acting drug that had been laced into her water, she didn't hear anything, even when the man radioed his backup to let them know he had Shepard ready for pick up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was hard to write. Kaidan is kind of a pain in this, but inside he doesn't want to hurt her. While his inner self may say he is doing right by her and make her hate him, it still hurt to actually write it out, which is why I kept this short. The next chapter will be longer and am about halfway done on it now.


	8. Aggravation

Kaidan sat on the floor playing his favorite video game. He had overheard two Asari's arguing about it in the club one night and decided to have a look. Supposedly some Asari archeologist had found some 'proof' that Earth had dragons and magic and shit in it's past and that humans just weren't clever enough to know the difference between a dinosaur and a dragon and if that wasn't funny enough, she thought that the reason why human Biotic's were freaks was due to which lines still carried magic within them. Those that had it in their DNA once exposed to eezo developed biotics, only during that time eezo wasn't known as such and it was instead called Lyrium. He thought she was probably tripping on some new drug, but his favorite game company had run with it and created a game called 'Dragon Age' and it was his favorite to play. He had always wanted to learn to slam someone and enjoyed playing a mage in the game and smashing enemies with force magic. It was a great way to blow off stream and right about now he needed to do so.

It had been weeks since he had seen Adonia last, weeks since seeing her, hearing her and sleeping with her. Every time he closed his eyes, he could picture her perfectly, her lush body arching up against him as she called out his name, the smiled that curved her lips after she came right before she opened her eyes and locked them with his, but it was also more than just sex. Every time she touched him, how she held his hand like he was someone worthy as they walked to her parents home. He heard her laughter as she teased him that first morning after they met while scrounging for food in her kitchen. Everything reminded him of her and while he would never admit it to anyone, he wasn't so stupid to not realize a part of him and come to care far more for her than he should.

"Fuck," he swore as his character got munched on by a dragon, again.

"Man, you suck today," Jack laughed as she walked into the room, "I don't know why you play this crap, it's sappy ass shit. Although, that dark haired chick is badass, still can't believe you play a game where you can screw someone, messed up shit, that is. Next thing you know you will be wanking off to it while you play," she laughed and dodged the drink bottle he threw.

"Piss off Jack, I don't play it so I can fuck characters, there is more to it than that."

"Yeah? Like what? Fighting the noble battle to save the damsel and become King or something?"

"Screw you, and it's Inquisitor, not King," he sighed, "why the fuck am I even telling you, you have never been into gaming," he sighed, he would always care about Jack, they had been kids when he killed that fucking Turian and they escaped and while he would always have her back, she wanted nothing more than the thrill of killing and a pile of creds. She was content to live like this forever and Kaidan wasn't. He didn't want to live in some piss hole where you never knew what day some druggie would break in trying to steal anything to buy them another fix. He wanted more, he wanted, "son of a -," yeah, he was a fucking idiot, cause he knew what he wanted, he wanted to be someone worthy enough to be with Adonia. He shook his head as if that could ever happen. Only a complete moron would ever think someone like him had a chance to be with her. Hell, it was a fucking miracle he ever got lucky enough to have what very little he did have as is.

"You know, you have never been the same since hooking up with that high-class b-," Kaidan growled low and the look in his eyes for the first time made her think before saying more, "sorry, I get it, but seriously, you have been different and you know it," she paced around him as she spoke, "Come on K, we use to have fun, and now all you do is mope around, playing stupid games."

"Fine, let's go, I need an outlet," he grumbled and turning off his game, he jumped up headed to his room to change, "eh, screw it," he grumbled, why even bother changing? It wasn't like he had anyone to impress and he knew Adonia would never come looking for him either, not after how he had acted and then pain he caused her. Grabbing a jacket he walked out the door, trying and failing to push thoughts of her from his mind once more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adonia groaned as she opened her eyes. Her captors had yet to say anything to her, but she had overheard pieces of information here and there and pieced together the basics. She knew that the people working here answered to a man who was never named. She also knew that they were aware of her history and somehow knew about the nanotech and what it was doing to her. She had no idea how they could have seen her files, but somehow they had and now they wanted the tech floating around inside of her. 

The first time she had woken up, she had panicked, because they had already removed her artificial limbs and even if she could escape, how would she? However, a few days later they were reinstalled, but they then pumped her full of drugs and everything was a bit of a haze since. She could hear them talk and only could piece together a few words in her current state. She heard the words 'indoctrination', 'control', 'cycle ending', 'collectors' and she thought she heard mention the name 'Cerberus' too. She had no idea what any of it meant, but whatever they were doing, it was bad. Hell, the way they broke in and took her was proof of that alone, without all the other she had heard.

She tried to sit up and found she was strapped to the table she now laid on, what the hell was going on this time? She saw someone come near and was shocked at who it was. The woman checked the machine next to her and smiled when she croaked out her name.

"Brooks?" Adonia was having a hard time formulating her words. Her throat was dry and soar and speaking felt like trying to swallow sandpaper. Even so, she knew her well. Maya Brooks had been one of the doctors who had worked on rebuilding her.

"Shepard, I see you're awake. I imagine you are curious as to what is going on," Brooks pulled out a syringe and added the contents to her IV bag.

"What, what are, are you," she coughed, "doing?"

"Impressive Shepard, most lose their ability to speak at this point in the study. The Illusive Man might be right and that you truly are a prime example of what humanity can become," she chuckled and continued, "unlike those Asari's we worked on prior to you arriving. They sure like to think they are the superior race, but they were rendered into a vegetative state long before this. You will be invaluable in our research."

"What?"

"Go to sleep Shepard, and do not worry, you will wake up again, at least this time."

Adonia tried to focus, but whatever she had given her was working fast. She heard the door open again and Brooks told whoever walked in that she was ready for surgery. She felt a tear slip down her cheek and tried to not show any weakness. She would make it through this and when she was free, she would hunt these assholes down and make them pay.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

 Kaidan had drunk almost a bottle of whiskey on his own within the first few minutes they were at the club. He had avoided getting drunk since his fight with Adonia, afraid of what he might do if he lost control, but after this much time, fuck it, he didn't care anymore. He had several women ask him to dance and a few for 'other services' and barked hatred at them and himself. He couldn't even think about screwing someone else, hell if all he wanted was an orgasm, he could do that on his own anyway, but he knew what he wanted and no one here came close.

After a few more shots with Jack, he felt someone tap his shoulder and expecting it was yet someone else trying to pick him up, he swung around in his seat and was shocked at who he saw.

"Ash? What the fuck are you doing here?"

Before Ash could say anything, Kaidan saw Aedan and was stunned when the man gripped his shirt and pulled him up to his face.

"Where the fuck is she, you son of a bitch," Kaidan blinked as Aedan raised his fist, "tell me or so help me I will fucking kill you here and now."

"Back off jackass," Kaidan snarled, and pushed himself away from Aedan, "where is who?"

"Don't play innocent-," Aedan was interrupted by Ash.

"Aedan can it, now," she looked at Kaidan after giving Aedan a typical if looks could kill flash of her eyes first, "Adonia has been missing since the night at her parents, we had hoped she was with you, but judging from your look, I'd say you don't know either."

"What do you mean missing?" Kaidan felt his biotics spark with his rising anger, "what the fuck is going on?" if something happened to her, if she was hurt somewhere, fuck if _someone_ hurt her-.

"Damn, come on Ash, let's go, thankfully, she didn't run back to him, so we need to look at other options," Aedan turned to leave but Kaidan stopped him.

"Screw you, I am coming with you, if someone has hurt her."

"Hell no, no way you are coming, you are a fucking-."

"Powerful biotic and if someone took her, your gun might not be enough and I wasn't asking permission jackass, I am telling you, if someone has hurt her, I want them dead," and walking past Aedan, with Jack following, Kaidan listened to everything Ash knew so far. He would figure out where  Adonia was and kill anyone in his path and then? He didn't know, except that he would make sure she knew why he acted as he did and how much she really did mean to him.


	9. Determination

Kaidan paced. It had been hours since he found out Adonia was missing and so far no one had come up with anything. They had come back to Adonia's apartment and everywhere Kaidan looked he saw her, could feel her and all it did was make him angrier and his biotics flare. Annoyed, but silent, Jack finally told him she was going to look up some old contacts to see if some matching her description showed up on the slave blocks. Aedan had been on the comm not stop since getting there, first with the council, then Admiral Hackett and then all of them. Councilor Anderson was concerned that Adonia might have been taken in retaliation of one of Aedan's more colorful missions. Everyone knew Earth's first human Spectre was the infamous Butcher of Torfan and becoming a Spectre hadn't changed his 'failure is not an option' outlook on how he handled missions, which left a lot of angry possibilities out there.

Kaidan finally told Ash he was hitting the shower and left them to go up to Adonia's room. He had been avoiding it up until then and he remembered why the moment her scent hit him. Her room smelled of the perfume she used and walking to the bed, he lifted her pillow to his nose and inhaled her unique scent. He felt his eyes sting as he thought about her once more. He couldn't handle the emotions warring inside him. The idea of her being hurt, alone, scared, he threw the pillow into the wall and grunted. It was then that the ugly beast of fear raised its head and another thought ran through his mind. What if she was dead?

"Kaidan," he swung around and saw Ash behind him, "Adonia is tough, she will be ok," he blinked as she knew exactly what was what he had been thinking, what was tormenting his heart, "she is strong and she's a fighter," she looked to the side and was unable to meet his eyes for a moment, "and she is crazy about you. I am her best friend, known her since we were kids growing up on the same ship and I haven't seen her like this over someone in a long time."

"I don't-," he stumbled on his words, could she really care about him?

"I do, and the night of your fight, she called me on the way home crying," she watched as Kaidan cringed. The things he said, the pain he caused her, "Kaidan, she was upset, but not at you, she was upset over how her Brother and his _friend_ , treated you. She told me she understood why you said what you did to her, because why would you want to be involved with someone whose own Brother treated you like that, she understood."

Kaidan felt his heart racing at Ash's words. Involved. Had Adonia meant she considered what was going on between them more than just a hook-up? God knows he did. He wanted to deny it, but the reality was, Adonia had awakened something inside of him that truly scared him. He had spent his life fueling his hate, never caring for anyone beyond what they could do for him and while he and Jack had a bond over what they had endured during BAaT, they both knew one day they would go their separate ways. Adonia, however, she was real, she could be, fuck, what was he thinking? But then, he knew, he knew the part he didn't want to admit to anyone, not even himself and that was simple, he was falling in love.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Night and day or was it day and night? Time continued to pass and even then, she only knew that much from one small window, but everything was blending together. She wasn't even sure how long she had been there at this point. Between the drugs, the tests, and abuse, everything was muddled. She was slipping away and she wasn't sure how to change it, or more importantly, stop it.

She did, however, learn she was not alone, that there were others like her, imprisoned and being tortured too, but to what purpose she was yet to learn. Recently, the girl next to her spoke to her whenever their guards left. She learned the girl was named Alicia Aston and that she had fought with her Mother and then stormed out of her home and into the hands of their of the group that now held them. She also learned from her that many had come and gone before them and she also knew who they were, Cerberus.

Adonia recognized the name. They were terrorist who dabbled in genetics and breeding monsters, which explained what she had endured so far from their _hosts,_ but she knew that was just the tip of the iceberg. Something darker was going on here and it wasn't drugs or wanting to get their hands on the tech in her brain. More than anything, she saw the terror in their guard's eyes whenever one name was mentioned, Morinith. What or who that was, she didn't know, but she knew the sight of fear and that name certainly inspired it.

She wasn't sure exactly when it happened, but it slipped in from nowhere and once it was there it ran through her mind. She would die here and no one would know. She felt tears sting her eyes and then something broke inside her and she remembered who she was, what she had endured and she felt rage, "No," she said, "no, damn it," she said louder, "I will not die," then she looked out toward the guards and when she got their attention, she said loud and clear, "bring it."  


Closing her eyes she thought of her family, her friends and then, well then somehow she thought of _him_. Kaidan. She thought of how he looked the first time she saw him, how he wore that sarcastic smirk that made her tremble. She felt her cheeks warm as she thought about being with him, how he had felt as he held her close and made her body soar, but more than anything else, she remembered how they had talked and joked. It felt like they had known each other forever and being with him had been the first time she had felt truly happy since, well, since Thane had left.  


"I will live," she told herself firmly, "and when I get out of here, I am going to find him and tell him how I feel," and with that, she smiled, the first time since finding herself in this hellhole.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jack had come and gone many times over many times over since all this began and also told Kaidan each time he should leave and each time gave him a disgusted noise when she left again, or she did until this time. This time she strode in like she owned the place and shot Aedan a wicked grin, before flopping down in a chair.  


"So, you know how you idiots have been at this forever and know shit," she grinned and winked at Aedan, "well today is your lucky ass day."

"Ok, Jack, hit me with it," Kaidan grinned at Aedan's discomfort. Jack had been gnawing at Aedan's nerves since day one. She seemed to take great pride in harassing him as much as possible.

"Well, word on the street is that some crazy  Asari is involved with kidnapping people, normally biotics, but anyone with some kind of mental fortitude really gets her gears grinding and who she takes, none come back."  


"Fuck," Kaidan turned and punched the wall, leaving a large hole in Adonia's wall, "I swear, if she lays one hand on Adonia-," Kaidan's biotic's flared and blue rippled over his muscles.

"So where do we find her?" Ash asked.

"I can answer that," Miranda had walked in and smiled when everyone startled at the sound of her voice. While she knew she could infiltrate damn near anywhere without being heard, it was nice to see it confirmed from time to time, "Alliance intel has been following a group called Cerberus since their involvement in Admiral Kahoku deaths, which you will remember well Ash since it was you and Adonia who found him. They are obsessed with human advancement and breeding a super soldier. The Asari is an Ardat-Yakshi and we believe she is trading genetic samples for victims to feed off of," she paused for a moment and continued, "If Adonia learns who they are, she will have one advantage at least. Working in Intelligence now, I know she has read the files prior to testifying at Dr. Wayne's trial. Seeing as she had more first-hand experience than anyone else with the group, she was called as a character witness."  


"Wait," Aedan spoke up, "I read a file on this not long ago. The Asari Councilor passed it my way. Normally the Asari doesn't like others knowing about this little secret, but with her operating in Citadel space, she asked me to investigate."

"Why the fuck ask you?" Ash asked him and when she saw the sheepish look on his face, she knew why, "Jesus, Aedan, you're fucking the friggin Councilor?"

"Fascinating," Miranda interrupted, "but there is something else," she turned to look at Kaidan and told him, "Cerberus was involved with BAaT, in fact, they were running it through a Cerberus mole"

Kaidan felt anger tear through him as he locked eyes with Jack. He remembered the torture, remembered what that fucking Turian had done to them, especially Jack, and felt his implant flare, but that only pissed him off more. They never thought they would have a chance to find those responsible for everything that was done to them, and now? 

"I'm in, where do we find them and how soon do we leave?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, it has been so long since updating this! Life has been a bit hectic lately and trying to find the time and the right mind frame as well has not been easy. I hope you enjoyed this and it was worth the wait ;)


	10. Annihilation

Kaidan had been on edge and a mess since he learned who had taken Adonia. The fact that she was held by the same organization that ran BAaT only fueled his rage. It had taken another five days before they had an idea of which system she was being held in and then another week before they had a target. He also had to admit that he was impressed with Miranda and her dedication to finding her friend. The woman worked almost around the clock and during one of her breaks he learned she had extensive genetic work done on her. While she had admitted that it was against her wishes, since it was her Father who basically grew her, she embraced who she was and used it to her advantage.

He also learned that she too was biotic and unlike him, her Father paid high-level Asari commando's to come and train her. He was surprised at her compassion over his experiences with BTaT and when he said as much, she didn't get angry as he expected she would.

"Kaidan, what was done to you and those like you, is a crime against humanity. Even if you look past at the darker motives of what we have found, the fact that you were all children, taken from your families and put through such abuse is unthinkable," she paused and laid a hand on his forearm, "Kaidan, look, I did some looking and found your family and you should know something. Your Father is in the Alliance and he never accepted that you died there. They have held out hope that one day you will find them. Conatix offered all parents who supposedly lost children a settlement, but when they refused to give them your body, they refused the money. Your Father has been looking into Conatix for some time and he was the one Hackett sent me too for information I used to track Adonia," she smiled, "I told him nothing, but I saw the look he gave me too. They want you still, they never believed you were dead and he told me every day they pray will be the day you walk through their door."

Kaidan felt like his chest was weighted down and he was unable to breathe, his parents still looked for him, still wanted him. He looked down at his arms and looked at the tattoos that covered his body and as if reading his mind, he looked up at Miranda as she spoke.

"Kaidan, listen, they won't care what you look like, truly. Do you know about what happened to Adonia after Elysium?" she waited for him to nod his head before continuing, "Hannah and Ernesto didn't know if she was alive or not. The Alliance hid her since they didn't know if she would recover and wanted to spare them the joy of her living only for her to die. I was there the day Adonia was released to them. She had several cybernetic implants that hadn't finished healing and glowed red through the scars, the artificial limbs weren't quite synced  up yet and most of her hair had been shaved off trying to work on her implant too, plain and simple, it was quite frightening, but they didn't care, all they cared about was their child restored. I am not saying you should run over there now, but do think on it is all I ask," Kaidan had planned to say something, but at that moment Ash walked in with a couple of guys and a Turian.

"Anderson got us a ship and these guys have served with both Adonia and me at various times. Kaidan, Jack, let me introduce you to Jeff Moreau, or Joker as everyone refers to him, James Vega, he's just a punk, but he is really handy in a fight and this is Garrus, a Turian who actually isn't an uptight jerk," she laughed as Garrus slightly shoved her in the arm, "OK, people, we are on the clock, so report to the Normandy in the hour and let's go find our girl."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As soon as they hit the ground, everything went to hell, not that it mattered to Kaidan, he would drown the whole God damned universe in blood if it meant having Adonia wrapped tight in his arms once more. Yet as they fought, Kaidan felt something in his gut that finally refused to be quiet any longer and he tore the helmet off one of the shock troops that were dying in droves around them. Jumping back at the sight, his stomach dropped. The man before them, if you would even call him such, had blue glowing eyes and cracks in his skin of the same eerie glowing blue. His skin was a strange mixture of white, with bruising and just enough skin tone to tell them this had once been a human.

"What the fuck?" Kaidan heard Jack swore as Miranda gasped at the sight forming as Aedan began pulling off helmet after helmet.

"Jesus," Aedan stood back and looked at all of them, "what the hell is this?" he spun around until he suddenly fell quiet and then whispered, "Adonia."

"No," Kaidan yelled out, startling the others, "No way in hell is she like this," he walked to the side of the building they had been trying to get past and swirling with the blue rippling mist only a truly powerful, and very pissed off, biotic can conjure, he blew a hole in the side of the building. Not looking back to even care if anyone followed him, Kaidan pushed forward. Adonia had to be OK, she had to be. But, if not, God as his witness, no one working here would be leaving this night, or at the very least, outside of a body bag, "She is ok", he grumbled again, "she has to be."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Adonia had heard the troops running outside her cell and knew something was happening, too much shouting, running and swearing for there not to be and that, well that meant opportunity. Twisting herself around, she pulled herself up enough to lean forward with one foot, grasping at the keys on the table that her guardsman had abandoned when he had heard the commotion outside her cell.

"Come on Shep," she mumbled to herself, "You want your autobiography to read you were defeated because your toes were too short?"

Reaching the keys finally, she got her cell open and staggered out into the room and fell against the table for support. She was thankful for her higher metabolism and the effectiveness of the nanites running around inside her at that moment. Her captors hadn't figured out yet that the drugs they were giving her were slowing burning themselves out of her system. Sure she was weak and even after they gave her limbs back to her, she wasn't ready for much. They may have reinstalled her artificial limbs, but they were not properly synced up and functioned much more like the limbs in the 20th century and did little more than help her balance, looking around for something to use for a makeshift crutch, she jumped back when the door to the room was slammed open. Trying to brace herself for an attack, she felt her eyes water when the man coming into the room swung around and showed his face.

"Adonia? Are you in here doll?" Kaidan felt his stomach flip when he heard the weak yes and his name, "Don't worry, I got ya," he smiled as he came around and helped her back up and into his arms, kissing her like her lips were what he needed to breathe and live, "Thank whatever Gods may exist you are okay."

She nuzzled her nose into his neck and felt tears running down her cheeks. It really was him and relaxed into the tight hold he had her in.

"We need to get out of here, but once we are back home-."

Mhmm, she sighed against his neck, "I want you too."

"I meant," he chuckled, "To apologize properly for what I said, but your idea works too," he laughed at the slight blush on her cheeks, "So let's get going doll."

"Wait, there is an Asari here, we have to find her before leaving and Brooks too, she is a double agent and we need her."

Picking her up, he made his way back to the others and let Adonia tell them all she knew.

"Brooks was a Dr in my rehab that was Alliance, but she is a sleeper agent, so the Alliance needs her brought back and alive," she paused and took a deep breath before continuing, "There is also an Asari here, they give prisoners to her that can't be used in experiments any more. She needs to be stopped, and, and-", Adonia sagged against Kaidan, she wanted to be strong, but she was just too weak.

"We need to get her back to the ship, Ash, can you manage?" Kaidan hated handing her off and wanted inside to be the one to take her back, but if the people who ran BAaT were here, well this was a chance he never thought he would ever get, a chance to punish those who wronged him and Jack as well.

"Kaidan," Adonia whispered his name as Ash came forward to help her friend.

"Listen," he cupped her cheek and gave her a quick kiss too, "I will be back, but I have to do this Adonia, I _need_ this."

"I know," she cupped his face and locked eyes with him too, "Just come back dammit."

"For you doll, anything."

She smiled and watched him turn and leave with the others.


End file.
